In my initial posts, I discussed some of my heartaches and struggles regarding my single, childless state. I'd like to take a moment to share a bit about some of the blessings that have accompanied those experiences. Because God is good. And He works all things for the good of those that love Him. And I love Him. A lot. Anyhow, during the times mentioned in those earlier blogs, I began to feel myself quite familiar with the pain associated with the curse in Genesis 3:16. Only I was in pain in spite of not bearing children or having a husband. I'm ashamed to say that, but I was wallowing and being selfish and ungrateful. So... there's that.
It was during this time that I became reaquainted with Isaiah 54....otherwise known as the "Song of the Spinster." Not just verse 5 "Your Maker is Your Husband, but also verse 1 "more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband..." is it twisted that I felt so hugely comforted just to hear the single woman described as desolate? I latched on to that word like a leech on a rare flank steak. Yeah. Leech on a flank steak. I said it. Don't be derailed by my obscure (and almost certainly inaccurate) entymological reference! I was desolate! And God recognized it when nobody else seemed to understand or anticipate it as a reasonable feeling on my part. It's that "High Priest who understands us" promise from Hebrews that I overlook all too often. Just seeing that He understood and acknowledged what I felt comforted me immensley. He knew. And He was with me. And He blessed me in the storm. Desolate I was, but cerainly not alone or childless.
My life is full of amazing, completely unique people. I have seen God's love in my church family. I am accepted and loved there, just as I love and cherish each one of those people. God has graciously put me in places like children's ministry and youth group, where I can catch a glimpse of what it would be like to have the family life that I was so torn up over for so long. I thank God for "my kids"every week. Each one is a testament to God's artistry.
Maybe this is just how life is going to be. I know that the oddities of my person and my situation make it pretty likely. If this is what my life looks like for the duration, I think I'm alright with that. I go home to an empty house, but my life is stuffed with blessings. I get to pray with and over my kids. I get to share joys and sorrows and watch them grow into amazing young people. I get to see God faithful in a thousand different ways in those hearts, and I'm thankful. I'm thankful that my "solitude" has drawn me closer into my relationship with God and I'm thankful that He has shown me mercy and given me plenty of people to love. I'm thankful for the window He has given me into the lives around me, and I'm eager to see what He will do in and through them. That's all.
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